cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
