I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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