when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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