oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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