Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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