I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
