Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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