Pants 0. Shit 1.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
