drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
