is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize