I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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