so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
