I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
