sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
