The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
