You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
