Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
