i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You ate ashes out of my bong
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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