so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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