Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
