I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
