I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
