i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
