I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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