the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
