he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
