Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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