I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
