dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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