The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
