Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
