Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
