Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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