Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize