I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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