while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize