She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
