WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
