Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize