How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
