Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
