i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
