He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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