Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
