I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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