Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
