I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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