i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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