i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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