I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
