I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
