wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
