Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
