One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
