i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
