i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
