tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize