how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
