porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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