i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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