I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
