how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize