he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
